It's one of those days. You make a passionate speech. Then, your mood is dashed as the audience lobs contradiction and rebuttal. You walk away dejected.

Hours later the perfect counter-reply pops into your brain. You groan. Why in the world didn't you think of that earlier??? You could just kick yourself in the butt.

Stop for a moment, and consider how many times this happened to you. Once? Twice? A dozen times?

People throw us zingers everyday. We deflate, especially when we fail to come up with a PROMPT defense.

Consider the following nasties that wreck our day:

"You're late again. You don't love me."

"That's lousy work; you're no good."

"Why are all you religious people so narrow minded?"

"If you love me you'll have sex with me. Since you refuse, you don't love me."

Don't you wish you had the perfect answers to these seemingly daunting questions?

As you read this and recall the countless frustrations you've faced, you naturally begin to wonder why there are some special people who always come up with the right answers. You've met them. The perfect debaters. The unstoppable negotiators. The superb orators.

Pocket that frown. You too can be an Aristotle . It just takes deploying the right tools. With proper semantic implements, you CAN be a master negotiator. You CAN manhandle arguments with ease. No longer will you say, "I wish I said xxxx when she told me that!"

The Sidewinder Method to countering arguments: THE PRINCIPLE OF SPECIFICITY

An argument, retort or remark can always be broken down into its constituent parts. By examining the innards of any statement, we often can identify logical lapses, semantic ambiguities and rational failures. This makes a statement VULNERABLE to counter attack.

Now, pause, take a deep breath , and etch this phrase into your brain:

"HOW SPECIFICALLY DOES...."

This is your first line of defense to ANY attack thrown your way. With such deft counter strike, you force the antagonist to examine his own statement. If his retorts are based on shaky evidence, he will see it almost instantly. Wait for his answer. Listen well. Then fire volley after volley of "How specifically does xxx " to each response. A chain of evidence will be needed to support his remarks. Without evidence, he will yield the high ground.

Why does the line "HOW SPECIFICALLY DOES..." work so well? It's because most people open their mouths without thinking! They say meaningless things that can be ripped to shreds after close scrutiny.

I urge you: have people back up their statements with concrete evidence. Questions of specificity unearth the evidence... or lack of it. This is your first step to achieving the skill of Objection Mastery.

Theory class over. Let's see some examples.

She says to you: You're late again. You don't love me. Ooohh nasty. How do you counter this with questions of specificity?

Tell her: "HOW SPECIFICALLY DOES MY BEING LATE INDICATE THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU?"

She says, "It means you don't care."

Tell her, "How, precisely do you know I don't care for you? My tardiness has good reason. I was tardy because I went out of my way to get you four dozen blue roses at a spot just out of town. I also made sure the kids were properly left with a responsible guardian so we won't have to worry about them tonight. And most importantly, I wanted to ensure that the restaurant we are going to is ready for us. That's why I was late. I wanted our evening to be perfect."

Let's try the other venomous barb now.

Your colleague says: That's lousy work; you're no good.

So you smile and firmly ask, " What precisely is the 'lousy' work you pertain to?"

He says, "You submitted the plan to Marketing for execution without consulting me. That's sloppy and in violation of SOP"

So you hold your breath and say, "How specifically, is being proactive in violation of SOP and sloppy work? I noticed you were busy with the accounting and had no time to concern yourself with branding issues. I simply offloaded tasks that would have rattled you and diminished your focus on your more crucial assignment."

He says, "I still should have been consulted. I want my inputs in whatever the team does. "

You say, "That's precisely why we are talking right now. Your inputs will always be welcome. Marketing can always modify their agenda since they're still in the process of integrating the programs."

He says, "I still feel left out. I don't like it."

You say, "How precisely are you left out? If it's influencing the final campaign, don't worry: you are the program manager. You will have a say even during final phase execution. The boss knows that we equally share the glory of the project's success. And the team looks up to you as their mentor. Surely you've noticed the pile of progress reports already in you inbox."

He says "Well, ok.... now that you put it that way, I gues you did a fine job"

Now let's try one of those lines we hear in teenybopper movies: "If you love me you'll have sex with me. Since you refuse, you don't love me."

Difficult to counter? Definitely not, with your standard phrase!!

Say, "HOW SPECIFICALLY does my desire not to have sex right now mean that I don't love you? You do realize that I love you so much which is why I want us to be perfectly prepared for all complications. I love you so much that I want to minimize the risk of unexpected childbirth. This is how much I love you."

So there you have it. The first technique to masterful objection mastery. Let's not put good theory to waste, shall we? Go grab a partner and practice. Have her throw argumentative remarks at you. Think briefly then counter with Questions of Specificity. See how long they can hold up. Just say "How specifically does..."

Smile and watch them fold.

Deflate Objections In 15 Seconds

Does this symphony sound familiar?

You are too!

Am not!!

You are TOO!

AM NOT!

YOU ARE ALSO!!

AM NOT!!

Familiar? It's how kids argue. I'm sure you've tried this mode of arguing decades back.

Children, when pointed out that they are "xxx", tend to retaliate that their accuser is also "xxx" The accuser then balks, because people hate having their arguments thrown back at them. It's human nature and this demonstrates the Reflexivity Principle of Argumentation.

By applying a belief statement back to the person asserting it, we test the applicability of that belief within an equitable context. By equitable context, I mean that what's good for the Gander should also be good for the Goose. This determines the universality of the statement. If, by throwing an argument back to its issuer, we observe a resistance, then this could indicate a presence double standards. This surely makes the argument IRRATIONAL, and NON-UNIVERSAL.

Let's see this in play.

She says, " You're always with your officemates. Obviously you don't like me anymore"

To counter this with Reflexivity , you apply her argument back to her by saying, "My dear, you spend at least 3 hours a day with your friends after work. Does this imply that you love me less now as well?"

She will then see the irrationality of her argument.

Let's try another.

Mark says, "The Bush Administration wastes so much time bickering, debating and arguing. Obviously this country is going nowhere. Such a waste of time!"

So you come to the good ole US of A's defense by saying, "I see.... so shall I assume that your business will never prosper either? Your Board spends a lot of time deliberating and debating. I observed that you, as Chairman, even seem to enjoy this and you goad them on! Now despite all that bickering, your company grows 10% per annum. Mark, I'm sure you're already aware of the value of debate. Healthy deliberation illuminates multiple avenues of action. That's what your Board does. That's what the Bush administration accomplishes."

Okay, let's put this to practice. Someone brave, come to the front; volunteer 10 arguments.

Then let's have someone else come up with ten counter arguments using this principle.

Have fun!

99 Octane Motivation Fuel

Keep them Euphoric: 5 more ways to turbocharge employees.

These are five additional ways that you can successfully create an encouraging work environment while increasing employee.

1.Distinguish your employees. It is essential that you empathize with your employees. Know about their family; know about what they do after hours, what interests them. This is not meant to be prying into an employee’s personal life, but knowing an employee can help you to resolve what motivates that employee. Different people are motivated by dissimilar things. What does the employee want? What do they want from this job, from their life, and for their future? Reaching goals can be difficult. Helping someone to reach a goal at work is impossible if you do not know what that goal is.

2.Discover more. It is your responsibility to create enthusiasm in the workplace. Therefore it is up to you to continue to study innovative ways to spur employees to action. You might opt to take classes that offered as short courses at HR firms or online universities. This will give you a fabulous opportunity to continue to learn new ways to stimulate your employees

3.Splurge special time with your employees. Take a few minutes out of your day to just talk with your employees. Give them an opportunity to voice their opinions and concerns or simply ask how their week went. This will demonstrate how much you care about his or her happiness within the company. You can also schedule performance reviews either once a month, once a year or however often is comfortable for you. This will allow you time to sit down and spend a little more time with the employee and give you a chance to discuss the highs and lows of the period in which the review is accomplished. Positive conversations, even on a casual level are a great way to increase employee motivation. Schedule one-on-ones and leave titles at the door.

4.Understand the employees’ feelings about their career. Most employees start out in a job on the bottom with hopes of advancement. One way to increase employee drive is to discuss the likelihood of advancement or lateral movement within the company structure. It might be a different position, or a promotion, in a sister company. Your employees should know that you care about the things that they care about. Let them know that you are there to help them achieve their goals and they will give you 110%

5.Be transparent. You as a manager know what it feels like when a higher up seems to be keeping something from you. Even though there may not be a secret, the big boss still hasn’t informed you on what is going on. Your employees may feel this way consistently. It is very important to keep employees informed about issues that arise in the company even if it does not directly affect them. Employees want to know about the company and they want to be involved. It is a good idea to have regular “catch-up” meetings, just to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Prepare employees if a major event is going to happen, such as a leveraged buyout or inspection by the CEO. Another way to explode inspiration among employees is to hold consultations when the company is planning on changing existing policies. Invite feed back from the employees and ask if they have any ideas about how to resolve the issue.

You as manager holds the keys to create a work environment that beneficial for company and employee growth. Sun Tzu asserts that “You are only as strong as your weakest link”. Increasing motivation among employees will make each link a little stronger and forge a tougher backbone for the company.

Ignite Your Image!

Find a mirror. Gaze in. Run your eyes across your face... your body... your posture... Are you pleased with what peers back at you? Be truthful; no one would know ... are you satisfied with your appearance?... the way you carry yourself?... the expression on your face?... How you see yourself now possibly reflects how others perceive you.

As you look on, you immediately realize how your projected image largely determines your fortunes. Is that a frown... a grimace? Maybe that's why everyone in the office avoids you. Or do you shine like the sun with that dazzling smile and upbeat poise? It explains how easily you get along with your boss and win promotions rapidly.

Should you find your reflection any less devastating than a full ten points, heed the following suggestions now:

1) Recognize what you want. Clearly defined goals, both of the long term and short term infuse direction in your life. Walk through life with a purpose. You will feel important and others will hold you in esteem. Observe how your very outlook and poise changes when you have a defined PLAN.

2) Delegate responsibility. Maybe your haggard appearance spawns from juggling too many tasks simultaneously. You are only human and with finite abilities. Gather your trusted friends and enlist their help. Focus your action on the most important. You will have more time for more significant things.

3) Attack objectives one at a time. Never diffuse your energy. Even when you have identified your list of priorities, take each one at a time. Remember, your actions must be consistent with your current focus.

4) Project positive thoughts. Avoid thinking of the things you can't do; focus on what you CAN. Every failure is to be appreciated as a stepping stone to improvement. When you sense a negative thought creeping in your skull, squash it and replace it with a positive one. Do you want nasty critters overwhelming you?

5) Be as Buddha... eternally patient. Each time you lose patience, your blood pressure skyrockets. Your countenance turns hideous. Your compromise your performance with sloppy work. And people flee from you. Whenever you feel like climbing the wall, breathe deeply ten times before doing anything rash.

6) Make others feel needed and important. Smile at people like you've been missing them. Remember their names. Greet people wherever you go. You may be the ugliest thing on the earth, but if you make others feel good, they will worship you as a god. Learn when to acknowledge others' skill and authority. We all have our own expertise, so give credit where it is due. And people will admire you.

7) Make others dependent on you. When you manifest genuine admiration and regard for others, they will go against all odds to support your quests. When you lend a helping hand, even when not asked, they will volunteer in your hour of need. Give favors frequently... the Law of Reciprocity demands that the favor be returned.

8) Radiate enthusiasm like a supernova. PERK UP!!! We love people who walk with a bounce and jump with perk. Feeling low? Pull up that chin and wipe that growl! Unless you're a bouncer, frowning kills your image. Look how these two adjacent photographs compare!

9) Watch your voice. Keep the "uhms" and "ahhs" locked in a vault. Stuttering, lisps and bad grammar tarnish your image. Modulate your voice like a radio announcer. Here's a tip: prior to giving a long speech, hum loudly and in private for at least a minute. Allow your chest to reverberate. You will happily discover your voice acquiring a deep, mellow timbre. You'd confuse yourself with Sean Connery!

10) Observe poise. Rein in those galloping emotions! Breathe deeply and slowly. Allow your gestures measured movements. Move with great deliberation. Think of what you say and do before you do it. Sudden outbursts make you look unstable.