How many are scared of learning more about your relationship and your future mate. “What if I realize we are incompatible?” “What if I discover out she doesn’t love me?” “What if I find out we are in fact separate individuals with separate wants and wishes?”
A great deal men and women refuse to peer too closely at the person they live with. This may be the safe path, but it is also imprudent. As we all know, the nature of relationship, the nature of humans, is to want harmony, routine, stale comfort as in, “Let’s make sure everything stays the same for all eternity.” Change is terrifying, even distressing, but it is predestined. Change is the reality of the universe.
Don’t be astounded if at the start of growing your relationship, resentments emerge. A recognizable pattern: you start doing syrupy things for each other, and suddenly a few days later you have a scrap about how she never initiates sex or he never buys thoughtful presents. This squabble may seem to come out of nowhere, but it hasn’t. When we begin to nurture each other, we stroke on unsatisfied needs. An angry voice rises up and says, “This feels great. Why hasn’t he done this for me before?” Or, instead of bitterness, our internal voice might say, “This feels exquisite. I can’t handle it,” and we pick a fight to distance ourselves because we are afraid the wonderful times will be cut off.
What to do to deal with fear, fights, and resistance to transformation? Recognize they exist. Dialogue your fears about changing and acknowledge your resistance to sampling anything new. Quite frequently we start beating ourselves up and throwing ourselves headlong into a project before we have given any thought to our disinclination and fears. Don’t refute your resistance and trepidation; it won’t go away, it will only get larger. In its place, make space for it. Jot down your resistance and acknowledge your fears. You can also try designating a table or statuette in your house where you store your defiance to exploring new things. Refer to it, or mimic adding to it when you feel the overpowering desire to stay the course or are reluctant to try something new. Tune in to your mind-set and the voices in your head. Discuss about your feelings as they come up. Happily link fears and overpowering feelings of penury with self-nurturing endeavors.
Whatsoever you do, sidestep perfectionism. Perfect translates directly to disappointment where nurturing is concerned. All transformation is a give-and-take procedure, two steps forward, one large step back. Sweet whispers of appreciation and intimate snuggling in front of the fireplace instead of the TV could occur for a few days, and then it is back to “Star Trek” and a garbled “How was your day?”
Profound change takes time, fortitude, and what seems like an eternity of reminders, both to yourself and your mate. If you accept this at the outset, you will succeed in buff your relationship to a glistening, healthy luster of passion, respect, and rapport.
Joseph Plazo is a renowned success coach. He conducts dating workshops to help men attract women… 24/7!